ADHD, Therapy, and Understanding Neurodivergence
ADHD and Neurodivergence in a Neurotypical World
Being born different isn’t something to be feared. Yet for many neurodivergent people, difference is often noticed early and treated as something that needs to be corrected, managed, or hidden.
When we are born, we don’t yet know that the differences we carry may one day become a source of confusion or pain. We don’t see ourselves as “different” until it is reflected back to us, sometimes by the very people meant to protect, guide, or support us.
Parents, caregivers, teachers, and professionals may not intend harm. Even so, their responses can quietly shape how we begin to see ourselves.
Alongside this, many neurodivergent people experience ridicule or misunderstanding from peers, colleagues, and even friends. Over time, this can lead to masking — ways of adapting, performing, or shrinking ourselves in order to fit into a world that was not designed with us in mind.
So what does this mean, and how do we begin to untangle the thoughts and feelings we have learned to keep hidden?
Perhaps it starts by looking inward.
The need for approval can be strong, especially when we have spent years being told, directly or indirectly, that we need to change how we think, act, or exist. Rather than continually seeking validation from others, we might gently begin to offer it to ourselves.
We don’t need to reshape ourselves to fit a mould created for someone else’s comfort.
Understanding neurodivergence is not about fixing who we are. It is about recognising the impact of a neurotypical world on neurodivergent minds.
It is also about learning how to meet ourselves with compassion instead of criticism.
Closing reflections
For many neurodivergent adults, healing does not come from becoming “more normal”, but from slowly unlearning the belief that they were ever broken. It can be a gradual process of noticing where shame took root, where masks were formed, and where self-criticism replaced self-understanding.
There is no rush to resolve this, and no correct way to do it. Simply beginning to notice, with curiosity rather than judgement, can be enough for now.
If any part of this resonates, you are not alone. Many people are quietly carrying similar experiences, even if they have never had the words for them before.
Living with ADHD: A Personal Reflection
The views I’m sharing here come from my own lived experience. They are offered as one perspective, not a definition of yours.
As a child with ADHD, it can be difficult to understand what is expected of us. We may move at a pace that suits us. We talk when we have something to say — and sometimes when we don’t.
This can cause difficulties when we interact with others who are not used to how we operate. It isn’t that we are selfish or uncaring; often, we don’t even realise that we are different. Our minds are busy — full of imaginative stories, ideas, and thoughts about what we want to do next.
This can set us apart from our peers, and sometimes even from our siblings. That doesn’t mean we are broken or in need of fixing. Yet fear can creep in, particularly for parents and caregivers, about whether we will fit in or adapt. That fear can sometimes leave us exposed to misunderstanding or bullying.
As we move through school, we are expected to stay focused amid distractions: classmates, background noise, what’s happening outside the window, or the sudden appearance of something interesting on the floor.
Many of us try to become someone we are not. This is where masking often begins.
Everyone masks to some extent, but for those of us who are neurodivergent, masking can become a full-time job. We develop different versions of ourselves for different situations and people.
Keeping track of which mask belongs where can be exhausting. Slipping into the “wrong” one can lead to trouble, rejection, or shame. The underlying fear is often simple:
If I’m myself, I won’t be liked.
Then comes adolescence, when hormones enter the mix, and everything can intensify. We may be told we are too much — too loud, too busy, too distracted, too inside our own heads.
Males and females can present differently, and no two people experience ADHD in the same way. It can feel complicated, but perhaps it also reminds us that everyone is individual anyway — different fingerprints, different DNA, different ways of being.
For some, clarity doesn’t come until later, often at the point where other people’s opinions start to matter less.
I remember wishing I were an adult because I believed people would have to respect me then.
I’m still waiting on that one.
What I’ve learned instead is that there is more room than we are often led to believe. Awareness comes with time, and so does confidence.
Not every part of us needs adjusting. Some parts just need the right space.
This is my reflection, offered gently. Take from it what fits and leave the rest.
Understanding Overwhelm Through a Neurodivergent Lens
Before I understood my own neurodivergence, periods of severe overwhelm were often understood through the lens of anxiety and depression.
With greater understanding of ADHD, nervous system overload, and self-regulation, I now make sense of those experiences differently. This shift didn’t change what happened, but it changed how I relate to it.
What I’ve learned is that we can’t always control what happens to us. But the way we come to understand our experiences can shape how we respond to future challenges.
Understanding can bring context, self-compassion, and choice. It can make difficult moments feel a little more manageable when they arise again.
That perspective is something I often bring into my work with clients — gently exploring not only what has happened, but how you have learned to understand yourself because of it.
ADHD in Everyday Life: Understanding Why It Feels So Hard
This reflection comes from my own lived experience of ADHD. It may not describe everyone’s experience, but I share it in the hope that parts of it may feel familiar.
Some days are, quite frankly, hard work.
There can be a constant feeling of being inadequate. Of not fully understanding other people’s emotions. Of going over past relationships and wondering how I could have done things differently.
These kinds of days can lead to exhaustion.
In the past, they also brought fear and overwhelm. No matter how much I reflected, I couldn’t change the past. Alongside that came a sense of loss.
One of the parts I found hardest was oversharing.
Wanting to be friends with someone, but not always knowing how. So I would share too much of myself, without fully understanding where that line was.
Through talking therapy, I was able to explore this in a different way.
I began to hear myself properly. I had always heard my thoughts internally, but in my mind I could be anyone. There were no limits, no barriers. Hearing my words out loud gave me a different perspective.
I started to notice how much I was sharing.
And I began to understand that it wasn’t always safe to share everything, especially with people who didn’t have my best interests at heart.
Over time, I developed a new awareness.
I could recognise when I was giving too much of myself. That awareness didn’t stay in one area; it began to show up in other parts of my life too.
It helped me create boundaries.
Not to cut myself off from the world, but to find a healthier balance. To protect the part of me that wanted to please others, without losing myself in the process.
Do I get this right every time? No, I don’t.
I am human.
Gentle disclaimer
These blogs are intended as a reflective and informational resource. It is not a substitute for therapy or professional support. If you are struggling and feel you would benefit from additional help, reaching out to a qualified professional may be supportive.